Everything seems new to me

it is now more than two weeks ago that I arrived in the Netherlands to dedicate 100% of my time in finding a new job, and ever since I am here I experience many things as if I never lived in this country before.

Yes, there are things that changed over time like the chip card used for public transportation. But many things did not change over the last 6 years and nevertheless I experience them as new. Actually it is a kind of awkward experience that I need to ask how the most elementary things work. Today I helped my brother in law to dispose of paper and glass bottles. We had to drive to a nearby collection point and I was surprised and at the same time I vaguely remembered that glass here is separated by color.

In many ways my living again in this country is showing me how 6 years can wipe out a lot of things. Actually, wipe out is not the proper way to describe it, it is more suppressing. I have been suppressing typical Dutch ways of doing and systems in order to accept the systems in the country I wanted so badly to be as good or even better that the country I left. Now, bit by bit I am returning into a civilization that is a lot more effective in many ways.

I had to come to the conclusion that some things I am experiencing these day I never had seen or recognized or lived before. it is as if I have been incapable of living fully my life in this country during the 22 years that precede my emigration to Italy. It all started with a painful integration in 1985 and I apparently never got over the shock. I stayed in my mind and kept saying to myself that one day I will return to the country where I have been able to live in a pleasant way. What I did not consider was that in that same year I left my home to live on my own in a country I only knew from my summer holidays.

So, it is actually fascinating to really live now in this country and see all the things around me as if I am a baby and need to learn everything from scratch. It is for me a great opportunity to make a new start and not bring with me any burden that is generated by my mind in the form of memories or experiences. I really enjoy the way I can be when interacting with people. I see that my attitude open and without any expectation or opinion is producing very nice and valuable moments. This is a great plus when in a position of searching for a job and having to properly explain my skills and added values.

Even though I am separated from my family I am really enjoying this period and although it is a stressful situation where I have limited time to make an income I am, day by day, deciding in the moment, with the tools and information I have at disposal, what I can do best to get the most out of situation.

Stuck in the loop

This morning I was watching to a religious TV program in which the program presenter was introducing his visit to a woman, K., that, after having been into spiritualism found God as her savior. Already this introduction was causing some reactions in me. I saw the happiness of this man when making this introduction as if he actually was saying: “I am so happy we have added another sheep to our herd”. I saw also that is was a perfect item to use for a religious TV program where those who watch are fed with examples that should consolidate their belief or faith in their religion.

During the interview K. was telling about her youth. She was the second born and already at a young age understood that her father hoped for a son and not a second daughter. This caused her to feel unwanted and less because of not being the wanted son of her father. This thought will follow her until today without her noticing it but made clear by the stories she told about her life. She married very young and had two sons (at least her father had two grandsons, but that did not help to solve K’s inferiority complex). The relation did not last very long and not very soon after she stepped into a second relationship that ended suddenly the day her partner did not return home after a skiing holiday. He met a nice young girl and went to live with her.

K. was very disappointed since she adored the man and did everything for him, making it very harsh to be rejected not seeing she was manifesting her inferiority complex. She was not seeing that she was stuck in a loop. In the process of looking for answers in life she met a couple that was doing Reiki. She dived into it and became a Reiki Master and opened a Reiki Practice and started to earn money with this business. One day she met a woman who told her about the curch and how she found God as being her savior, freeing her from all her sorrows and problems. K. started to go to church. At first just a couple of times, than started to read the bible and went to church more often.

At a certain point she decided to be baptized so she could free herself from her sorrows and become happy again in life. After a service where her friend was baptized they asked who wanted to be baptized the next occasion and she decided to opt for it. She ad to talk with a commission of the church that had to decide if she could be baptized. Everything was fine until she told she ran a Reiki practice that was her only source of income. She lived again the feeling of being rejected, thus manifesting again this point, looping again in a phase of her life. Again she had an opportunity to deal with it but she choose to be the victim and stopped her business in order to be baptized, the white light was too strong to resist.. Curiously enough her story did not mention what she was doing since then in order to make a living.

I see here a peson that believes that thinks that she found the ultimate happiness but actually did not change anything in her life. Still in the same loop and still with the same mindfucks. Until she is not finding a way to take her own responsibilities for what she is manifesting in her own life she will again look for another ‘solutionn’ when she will find out that reading the bible and going to church will only satisfy her need for energy but not give her any answers to her real problems.

I see also how a producer of a religious TV program abuses this story to show people how they can find the ultimate happiness in the faith to God pushed by their own belief it is really the key to ultimate happiness. I see how faithful people will see this as a confirmation that their religion is the best thing and that this same religion helped another person.


Yesterday, while drinking a cup of tea, my mother in law told me a story of a friend of hers who has a daughter diagnosed with a serious form of depression. The woman is apparently very pretty looking and, while in her early thirties, is already in her third relationship. As a teenager she already showed symptoms of depression and among other therapies she was sent as au pair to Switzerland where she had a great time.

Typical of her behavior while being depressed were periods of intense fear wherein she always claimed her mother to come over to help her, resulting in the fact the mother had to travel for a couple of hours to co go her daughter’s house to find a scared daughter not willing to do anything. She also showed periods with a complete opposite behavior where she was very active, almost over active and almost uncontrollable, capable of doing very weird things.

At a certain point she had a relationship with an older man who already had children. He cared very much about her and helped her going to doctors and psychiatrists which resulted in nothing else than prescribing medication to suppress the symptoms of her behavior. This relation did not last for obvious reasons and because the two sons of this man where difficult to manage and because the woman wanted her own child.

Not long after she was into another relation, this time with a man from india who was aiming at having a child and only three months after they met she was already pregnant. Because of the woman’s behavior and the man’s attitude the relationship already became difficult during pregnancy and after the child was born the man started claiming the child and is doing whatever he can to have the woman locked away in a mental institute. Not being able to cope with the situation the man is known to have beaten the woman regularly.

While all this was going on the woman had her regular periods of fear wherein she always claimed her mother to help her and to take care of her child. Since she was living at some distance from her parents they decided to look for a home in the same town, making it easier to help her when necessary. At the moment she is in her third relationship with a nice man who obviously fell for her very good look.

While my mother in law was telling this story I talked about the fact that the woman’s behavior was quite abusive for the people around her and my mother in law had to agree on that point. She told me that after all these years both the woman and her parents accepted the idea there was nothing they could do about this situation and that it will remain this way for ever.

It is interesting to see that if there is no cure for a specific illness, and more specifically a mental illness, people tend to accept the situation and try to control it with medication. If our medical system is not able to provide a cure we simply accept there is no cure. Doing so we accept being abused by people who are stuck in the mind and are not even willing to change that situation because they are addicted to their behavior wherein they tend to claim and control the persons they live with and their family.

With proper coaching and assistance to work on self responsibility within life situation like these could be improved and even avoided. While now the whole situation is fed by fears and reluctance to changes on one side and accepting abuse just because you are dealing with your daughter or partner the whole situation could be changed if everybody started to look at themselves in self honesty and really started to take each their own responsibilities. This process is made easier using the tools and information found at Desteni. For who is specifically interested in the subject follow this link to a series of video’ son Youtube.

The fear of facing my fears

Until not long ago I was convinced that I had very few fears if not any fear at all. Well. I had to redefine the word fear for myself to find out I have fears. Interesting about this part of my process is that I found out there are many things I suppress very successfully probably all along my life. The consequences of this general suppression of emotions, feelings and memories is that I think to have lived a youth without big issues since I have not many vivid memories about it, especially negative ones. Now that I think of it, it is an inherited ‘feature’ I have. I remember that also my father tended to forget negative experiences.

By walking my process of freeing myself from the Mind this is a very important step. It took me almost half a year to continue with my assignment about fears just because I always had something more important to do. Bullshit of course, but I managed to delay it for many months until I recently stopped it and found out that is was not difficult at all to face my fears if done in self honesty.

Now I’ve managed to come over this point, that apparently was not only linked to my assignment but to many other issues, I start to see a lot of things more clearly. One of those is my frustration about the fact others always seem to have so many memories about the past. The same applied to the fact they were feeling strong emotions in many cases were I in comparable cases did not recall any emotion or feeling worth to remember. As if a physical obstruction has been taken away full memories of events and the connected emotions and feelings are coming back. It is fascinating to see how everything interconnects. The fact I was blocked on the assignment had to do with a much larger point I had to face and it took me several months to come to the point of seeing it. I’ve made a new step in cleaning up the mess I made in my life until now.

Coming back to fears, my main fear is related to money, a lack of money that every time comes to a climax and settles again for a while but never seems to get away. It is all a consequence of decisions made in the past that were not made in  a self honest way. Not being honest with myself caused me to accept and allow situations with a specific consequential outflow, the consequences I am living through now. The nice thing is that I have been the one accepting and allowing al of this and I am also the one that can stop it.

Facing my fears is facing myself, learning to know myself and forgiving myself for what I have accepted and allowed in my life. I feared facing my fears but I had to come to the conclusion that there is nothing scary about it. It is part of the process I am walking and it is giving me several topics I can use to write about in a process of writing it out in order to get insight and take my responsibilities on that point.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself not to face my fears preventing myself of doing a necessary step in my process of freeing myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to find excuses and motivations in order not to go on with my assignment and therefore delaying the process of taking self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ignore my memories, my feelings and my emotions and therefore convincing myself that I did not have memories which enabled me to live without the burden of these memories.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to suppress my feelings and emotions just by considering them as unnecessary and a nuisance and threatening the apparent harmony of the situation/moment.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to suppress my memories by convincing myself I had none so I was free from having to take responsibility for my actions in the past and my created experiences in the future, sabotaging the process of taking self responsibility.


No more computer warranties

Ever wondered why there are new models of computers coming out every few weeks? Yes, of course, it is a normal process connected to technical evolution that allows the computer builders to release a better and faster computer every time technology has evolved a little further. If you strongly believe this is how it works I suggest you reconsider your point of view.

If we have a closer look at how this whole process of new models is working we might have some questions. First we should ask ourselves why computers last less than ten or even twenty years ago. It became more and more a mass product with prices that were getting lower and lower so more people could afford one. In a consumeristic model this means that the producer of computers can manufacture higher quantities for lower prices. If on these large amount of computers the manufacturing company manages to save a few cents on every component at the end it will save millions. And that is the way it works.

Besides that computers are built with components that are designed specifically to last a certain amount of time. If you want to keep using your computer longer than this preset timeframe you will need to replace components that are made relatively expensive to buy and to replace. Why? Because they want you to dump the old computer and buy a new one.

That is also why computers have a limited warranty. Why limited? Because of the pre-defined life of the computer. So, the first year you’re safe and in case your computer is a DOA (Dead on Arrival) or fails within this period, it will be replaced or repaired. Mostly the computer will start to fail in the period just after the warranty expired, what a coincidence! You could eventually rely on consumer associations to get partial refund after warranty period, but that takes a lot of effort even though there are laws in place to protect the consumer in these cases.

Normally, when a computer fails and it is just out of warranty we see it as bad luck and we accept it as being normal. But it is far from normal! This mechanism of new models failing after a predefined period of time is a huge waist of energy and natural resources. What is done with al failed computers? They are partially recycled or just thrown away in mere frustration.

What if we could have the computer that fits our needs, not needing any replacement because it is made of the best quality materials, running just the best and most intuitive operating system that is just working always. And if it fails it can be repaired by replacing the failing part, no need to replace the whole machine. All this will be the standard in a world with an Equal Money System where only one simple rule is applied: what is best for all. With just this simple rule we will be able to create a world of equality with a decent and beautiful life for every living being on this planet. Anyone not willing to live in heaven on earth?

So, if you dare to change the world into a system that is best for all and will supply you with computers (among all other things of course) with a life time warranty (and therefore the warranty can be abolished since there are no other types of warranties), join us at Desteni to discuss on our forums this topic or many others so you can be part of the creation of a better world by starting to better yourself.

What will happen to Warren Buffett’s 64B$ ?

Warren Buffett is one of the world wealthiest people and it sounds logical to wonder what would happen to his wealth in a Equal Money System. Although he is giving away up to 99% of his fortune to philanthropic causes like the Gates Foundation he is not contributing to an equal world by doing this since the goals of this foundation, to globally enhance healthcare,  and reduce extreme poverty are not based on the principle of an equal life for all.

Even before an Equal Money System is going to be implemented there are ways the existing wealth of a few on earth like Warren Buffett can be used to finance initiatives like the Basic Income Grant (BIG) that ensures every living person on earth to get enough money to provide for their basic needs.

Since Warren Buffet already is donating his wealth it should not be impossible to redirect money to BIG after having properly explained what this grant is based on, unless there is a hidden agenda that is against the redistribution of wealth in the interest of all. I can only guess about the motivates this man has to donate his wealth. It is very plausible that he is driven by profit and that also his donations are aimed at incrementing his capital in some way, money attracts money.

So, how would it be possible to change this situation and redistribute wealth in such a way that everybody in an equal way can benefit from it? To answer this question lets start to look at ourselves. If asked we are often willing to donate something for a good cause. What is our motivation in the moment we decide to give money? Many options are possible here, but they are eventually starting from the same point: fear. Fear in a subtile way that can be like: “I prefer to donate a specific amount I decide instead of having to give an amount decided by others”. Or you might think you are doing a good thing so you can tell others you did so to feel good, not taking into consideration you are doing this to feed your ego in order not to feel guilty to have a better or more decent life than others.

In either way money is seen as a property, something that belongs to you and you have an emotional binding with. Money means you have the means to survive, and the more you have the nicer your life can be, the more choices you might thing to have, it makes you happy and gives you power, the power to rule over others with less money or in need of money. This makes it very difficult to give our money away, even if we have plenty of it. And if we do the motivation is very often based on a calculation and dealt with as an investment to improve our image or out of fear in an attempt to protect our position.

Money is not considered as life itself, as a supporting tool to give us all a decent living. The challenge in the coming times is to let people gain insight in what money really is and what we need to do in order to take our responsibilities towards ourselves and therefore to all other living beings so we can create a sustainable way of living on our planet without any form of abuse in situations of equality for all, making life worthy for all and not for a happy few. You can start asking yourself how really happy one can be in a unequal world where you constantly need to protect your belongings from those that might take it from you just because they try to survive.

So what can we do to contribute to a better world? We need to educate ourselves and others in the process of educating themselves so we can become all living part of a world that is giving equal chances to every living being. Follow us at Desteni.

Join the discussions on our Desteni Forum and our Equal Money Forum. Register here to get information about Equal Money Book. Visit the Desteni and the Equal Money sites for life coaching and more information.

Integration opportunity

A couple of days ago I received a mail from a company in Switzerland asking if I was still available for a job I applied for over a year ago. I answered yes without hesitation since my actual economical situation is not really allowing me to let go any offer of this type.

Besides the financial factor we as a family consider this opportunity a new step in our process of re-integrating back into society we fled from when moving to Italy. We never found the country we had in our imagination, the reality was harsh and merciless.

Although the proposed salary is not very high and it will still remain a challenge to make a decent living out of it I decided to accept the challenge. Together with my partner and kids we are working on all kind of scenario’s to see what is the best solution. Do we have to move right away, are the kids going to finish the school year before we move while I travel back and forth in the weekends?

Without doing future projections, or at least limiting it to a minimum we are considering all the possible options looking at practical points and financial sustainability. If we have to move on a short term we need financial help to pay for the move, if we do it in the summer I can start earning some money and save some to pay for the move.

Although I am living this new opportunity in a quiet way my body is reacting heavily to this possible change. I have definitely a couple of resistances here to consider in the near future. My Colitis Ulcerosa, a chronic disease that did not bother me for over twenty years and started when I moved from Italy to Holland, is back and is furious. But something changed in the way I am living this disease. I had fear twenty years ago, now I monitor the evolution of the disease and will see a doctor shortly to have medication to treat the symptoms.

Although I still have to go for job interview, I am walking a process of preparing myself with all the necessary information I can find to be able to make a proper decision and ask for the right conditions. That to me is taking self responsibility within the context of the moment I am in right now, living it breath by breath.