During my working day I decided that tonight I will do some work that I want to be finished by tomorrow. It is one of those days where a lot of unforeseen (unwanted?) things happened and caused my planning not to fit anymore into the available hours. Making this decision I was surprised by the fact it was so easy to make and to assume that I will indeed do it. If i them compare my behavior when it is blog writing or working on my DIP assignments I see a big difference. I am much less motivated.
Let’s have a look at my motivation. What is really motivating me? The fact I want to have things done within the timeframe I agreed on with others? Or does it go deeper? What is it that keeps me running faster for my boss than for myself? Yes, that is it! Writing my blogs and doing my DIP assignments is all stuff I do for mySelf. Making long days in the office and even continuing the work at home is… Fear, Enslavement! Fear to be seen as less competent by my superiors/boss, enslavement by the money system that tells me to work more and more so I can save holidays for extra days off or to be paid as extra salary.
So, enslavement/money/fear are more important than Self. That is not a good balance. But how to find this balance? How to establish the energy/time to dedicate to work and to Self development?
Within Self-honesty it is not possible to decide that work is more important than working on my self development. It is equally important. The first to properly function in the system/matrix with no need to exaggerate, the second to become more stable and aware of Life so I can stand as one as breath to the benefit of all and everything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my job to be more important than my self development through blogging and doing my DIP assignments.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my self development through blogging and dong my DIP assignment as less important than my job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow fear of survival to decide what is the best to be done instead of allowing myself in a specific moment to stop and breath and in that moment decide what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated by false arguments drive by fear of survival and enslavement to money instead of get things done because what I do is simply in the best interest of all.