Motivated by survival

During my working day I decided that tonight I will do some work that I want to be finished by tomorrow. It is one of those days where a lot of unforeseen (unwanted?) things happened and caused my planning not to fit anymore into the available hours. Making this decision I was surprised by the fact it was so easy to make and to assume that I will indeed do it. If i them compare my behavior when it is blog writing or working on my DIP assignments I see a big difference. I am much less motivated.

Let’s have a look at my motivation. What is really motivating me? The fact I want to have things done within the timeframe I agreed on with others? Or does it go deeper? What is it that keeps me running faster for my boss than for myself? Yes, that is it! Writing my blogs and doing my DIP assignments is all stuff I do for mySelf. Making long days in the office and even continuing the work at home is… Fear, Enslavement! Fear to be seen as less competent by my superiors/boss, enslavement by the money system that tells me to work more and more so I can save holidays for extra days off or to be paid as extra salary.

So, enslavement/money/fear are more important than Self. That is not a good balance. But how to find this balance? How to establish the energy/time to dedicate to work and to Self development?


Within Self-honesty it is not possible to decide that work is more important than working on my self development. It is equally important. The first to properly function in the system/matrix with no need to exaggerate, the second to become more stable and aware of Life so I can stand as one as breath to the benefit of all and everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my job to be more important than my self development through blogging and doing my DIP assignments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my self development through blogging and dong my DIP assignment as less important than my job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow fear of survival to decide what is the best to be done instead of allowing myself in a specific moment to stop and breath and in that moment decide what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated by false arguments drive by fear of survival and enslavement to money instead of get things done because what I do is simply in the best interest of all.

Disappointment as an excuse to delay/postpone

For more than six months I am stuck on a specific lesson in my DIP course. There are many reasons to it. In this period I’ve been going through a rough period of looking for a new job, finding it, living in another country, moving my family, finding a house, living in several places in a short period of time, etc. Many practical reasons not to focus on my DIP course.

I’ve ran out of practical limitations now and still I see there are resistances that prevent me going on. Looking at it rationally I do not see any reason why I shouldn’t be able to find half an hour a day to dedicate to the DIP. I still hear the excuse voice in my head telling me that I had health issues making it hard to find enough energy to dedicate on DIP after a day of work where on the other hand I easily tend to work extra hours for my boss (and to finish the work that from my point of view needed to be done anyway).

When I finally started again to work on my assignments a couple of times I was confronted with the consequences of the long delay. The assignment had been updated and at the end I had to start the whole lesson from scratch. Not an issue since the work I did before was done a long time ago and it had its purpose anyway. At a certain point I thought to be ready and handed in my assignment only to find out I only did half the work and not even that, The second half of the assignment was not properly understood and needs to be redone.

Time to really focus on what needs to be done. I still have been not self-honest and did not want to thoroughly redo the assignment as described in the materials just because I thought that I still new what I read some time before. To me now it is very clear how one can fool him/herself with just assuming and thinking. Assumptions always ted to serve self interest and that is not helping to get a stable and well founded situation.

This simple experience is a clear point to me that I still need to address this point of being more accurate in the way I deal with assignments/tasks. I will have to stop assumptions and thoughts that have as a starting point not willing to face the real thing and deal with it in its full extent. Therefore I commit myself to pick up this point and systematically address it by performing the following actions:

– I will dedicate every day a specific amount of time to the DIP course
– I will go through all the necessary materials (even if I might think it is overdone or unnecessary)
– I will check if what I have done is according to the requirements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay working on my DIP assignment because I felt disappointed and therefore trying to find reasons to blame outside myself to justify my delay instead of taking my responsibility and asses the situation in this very moment, decide on the action to take and perform these actions.

The final job interview

A while ago I had a job interview and like the one I had in November I closely monitored how I and my body was reacting to the situation. Although I had a kind of a job interview a week before at a job agency this time it was more critical. Where the job agency is trying to get me some temporary work this new job interview was for a real job. Back in November I discovered that even when apparently seeming calm my body was shivering and my legs shaking. I managed to control it by breathing.

The interview was arranged by an old classmate of the primary school who, reading through my resume, saw an opportunity for me and asked to emphasize my professional writing skills in order to match the requirements of the person the company was looking for. So I did and on a snort notice I was invited. Really cool to get real support from someone that was able to spot an opportunity and give me effective tips on how to adapt my resume.

This time I had the same shaking and shivering all over my body, but only in the few moments I started thinking about ‘what if’ scenario’s. I managed to get rid of the thoughts but not always effectively enough to get them back even in the middle of the interview. Nevertheless the interview became more and more interesting when the other person started to tell in detail about his job role and about the company. The first bit of the interview was kind until the point that I was asked to describe the company I was interested in. Since there was very little time between the making of the job interview appointment and the job interview I haven’t been able to give a very clear picture of my perception of the company’s activities. Very open the interviewer made a recap of our interview at the end giving me this feedback and confirming I was going to have a second interview with the company’s general manager and to other managers.

I was invited a week later to talk with the manager responsible for development and with the general manager and founder of the company. The interview with this manager was quite nice and relaxed and again was able to give me an idea of the atmosphere within the company. I had to wait for an hour before I could meet the general manager and again we had a nice and quite informal chat in which we tried to get a general picture of each other.

Apparently the interviews and my resume were convincing and although it too two weeks to get a final response I was hired and invited to join the team within a very short notice.

Today it is exactly one month that I work in my new job meaning that I passed the first trial month rapidly fitting into the organization and being able to contribute and deliver my work efficiently almost from day 1. The step of finding a job in order to stabilize income has been taken, the next step to take now is to find a home for the whole family so we do not have to live separately.

Time is money, money is time

It is now more than a month ago that I left my home Imagein Italy to go to the Netherlands to look for a job. It is over a month now that I am working hard to get work, not only by doing many job applications but also working on myself since being without a job, living in someone else’s house without being able to tell for how long implies also that you have to face yourself.

Reality can hit hard and I need all my energy to keep myself standing and go through everyday’s life. Life in my conditions is at the same time boring and nerve wrecking. Since you have no job you tend to feel useless and even a burden to those that offer you help. The odd part of all this is that it can change suddenly into another situation. At least that is what the mind suggests. The mind keeps saying that as soon as I have a job everything will be ok. This is only partially true since life will go on with or without job. That what gets different is the way you can organize yourself with or without money.

Nevertheless, getting a job will be an important step in the process of getting back into the system. I am very well aware that becoming an employee will limit my freedom, but what freedom is it when you have the time to do anything you like without having the money to do so. There is no freedom in our society. We are all enslaved to money and if we do not have it we simply will die (or in developed countries live a very limited life without many opportunities to change that situation).

In a movie I watched today there was a sentence that says: “If you are with the system you will be rewarded, if you oppose it you will be punished”. That is exactly what I see when looking back to my own life. I refused to adapt to the system and was therefore expelled from it in a slow process that ended into the situation I am in now, left with no money and fighting to get back into the system just to be able to survive.

It took quite some time to try to get loose from the system and now I see that getting back into it is not an immediate process either. I have to be patient and it is quite challenging to patiently walk the path back since the lack of money (= time) is a high pressure factor. I need to buy time (ask for money) directly or indirectly for every day that goes by. This adds up to the debt I am so trying to avoid but which is so nicely fitting into the monetary system of our planet.

This brings me to the next point, is resisting the fact to have debt not again me fighting the system? Am I supposed to go along with it and accept I have debts I will never be able to pay back? Does it make sense to try to pay back your debt when you know the actual money system is designed to make it impossible to pay it back? Governments are trying to get rid of debt by moving it to the people and very few are aware of the fact this is narrowing more and more our possibilities and making us more dependent and controllable by these governments.

Having said this, it is with an uneasy feeling that I am getting my position back into society. Life will not get easier for anyone with the difference I have already walked through experiences that allow me to see things for what they are and to act accordingly as much as I can in the moment, breath by breath. Therefore I see my whole experience I lived over the last couple of years as something very useful and in no way a waste of time (or money).

Tomorrow is a milestone day since I will know if the day after tomorrow will be one of still searching for a job or making a next step forward and while having a new job taking care of finding a place to live with my family and organize everything so I can move my family from Italy to the Netherlands and live again as a united family.

PS. Many friends and family members are crossing their fingers for tomorrow… I am sure it will help (lol). And the fun part is, do they really know why they are crossing their fingers? What is their real starting point?

Why isn’t equal money a violent revolution?

The first thing that pops up in my head when I hear the word ‘revolution’ is the “Prise de la Bastille”, an event that is remembered every year in France the 14th of July. If you have a look at history you see that mankind has known many revolutions. Apparently these revolutions were followed by a change, but was it the change the revolutionary people had in mind? At first sight and if you believe what the history books tell you, yes. But when you start analyzing any post revolutionary period you see clearly that either nothing changed or that it even got worse.

If we look at the Occupy movement we see that it is leading nowhere. Or actually it is and it is more scary than you would like. If you have a close look at the events you clearly see that Occupy and therefore many other revolutions are eventually starting as a peaceful way but always escalating to violence. Any kind of revolution attracts violent elements often with the help behind the scenes of powers that use these revolutions to get a better control over the masses. When a revolution is escalating specific measures need to be taken in order to suppress the revolutionary people. So every revolution will contribute to a society with less freedom of movement and expression.

That is why Equal Money will not be preceded with a revolution. It is about evolution, a different kind of evolution. A real evolution that is going to accelerate the process mankind is going through now. Evolution is becoming a kind of education that happens though a mechanism of resisting first what is best for all than embracing it and again resisting and embracing what is best for all. Building up the pressure will accelerate evolution and lead to a quicker change avoiding that humanity has to go through long periods of suffering.

We can clearly see that situations are escalating more rapidly over the last couple of years. Everything seems to happen at a faster pace. In this incrementing tempo we as humanity will go through our resistances and embracing of what is best for all until we finally will set ourselves free from our limitations. Look at how society is organized now and how it was also in the past. All our society models are limiting us dramatically wether it is capitalism, socialism, communism… all are limiting us by controlling us to ensure that only a few can benefit from the slavery of many others.

It is time to set us free from all our limitations and ideas within the narrow frameworks we have imposed to ourselves. It is time for joy and freedom. And since it will not be given to us we will give it to ourselves. Join us at Desteni and find out how you can give yourself joy and freedom in a world where there is only one rule: what is best for all.

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Time management

It is a while that I stopped doing my DIP course assignments. In the months I did managed to send in my assignments I experienced resistances resulting in a lousy time management in regards to my DIP course. When the tight schedule I had to manage was frustrated by the experience and the consequences of an event in our house I decided to temporarily put on hold my DIP assignments and focus on what I had to do related to the event.

If I look strictly at how I am using the time I have every day I see that very often my work related activities tend to ‘eat’ away time planned in for other activities. This was mainly caused by extra work that needed to be done to close a project and get paid for it. The extra work is another point to tackle since it was a consequence of unclear agreements with the person I was collaborating in these projects. I created pictures of what I supposed could be his role in the project discovering at the end it was not matching the reality. To make this more complex, the person contributed and eventually believed himself in being competent. Who has been manifesting what?

Back to planning. Summer has been very busy and besides a non stopping flow of work, quite some time went into social activities with family that come to visit us. The couple of days I spent with my kids should not make the difference. What I experiences was that whatever I planned to do I had always to adjust my planning everyday postponing systematically several tasks that had to make place for others taking more time than planned.

Apparently I am too optimistic when planning certain tasks. I checked if I was really using the time effectively. I am making progress here since I found myself regularly diving into matters that where unnecessary and distracting me form the real thing I had to do. It is amazing how the mind manages to hijack your concentration by a specific trigger word you unconsciously read while working on your task. I am becoming more and more aware of this behavior and can take care of it.

It was easy to leave the DIP assignment out of my mind. There were so many things to plan I did not even consider to put DIP time in my schedule. Now I see that the amount of work is not decreasing and that I need to take responsibility in this. Yesterday I started again working on my lessons. I am not sure how to deal with the upcoming events that will populate my schedule but I will use common sense to do it.

The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

Normally  a TV series comes with max 1 episode a day. On YouTube there is no such limitation, you can watch as many as you like/can/manage. Both my children have been watching one episode after another since one of them discovered a series that apparently is very funny. They both are at about episode 16 of the “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” series. The series ends after 57 episodes. I could not help myself when I asked if they were planning to see them all in the next two days.

Until yesterday A. was working on a DVD cover art work and J. was busy making his funny video’s. These and other active activities suddenly stopped to be replaced by this addictive activity of watching this series. So, what is in this series that makes it so terribly appealing my kids are unable to resist from it? I decided to listen for a while to an episode while A. was watching. All I heard were very short sentence dialogues full of ‘funny’ words and sounds that should trigger your laughing. To make the effect even stronger every few words you here the laughters that are added to the sound track in a very smart way. A and J. will laugh occasionally but at a much lower ratio than suggested by the sound track.

The fact I see my kids diving in this activity, or better, this inactivity, is triggering all kind of reactions within myself. So, what is it that is disturbing me about the fact my kids are having a great time? Is it jealousy because they can spend the whole day watching the series and I have to do all my mandatory tasks? Or is it sadness because I see my kids entering a pattern they have been caught in before and knowing it leads to nowhere? Is it the fact I do not see how I can tell them they are wasting their time and even worse, feeding their mind construct with all kind of messages and triggers? Especially with A. it is clear to me she is seeking for ways to avoid continuing her process she is going through after the episode with D.

As a frustrated father I’ve made a couple of comments during the day and tonight, all waved off with reactions like: “I can’t hear anymore what they are saying.” and “Shut up with your stupid comments and leave me alone”.  For the moment the only thing I can do is leave it the way it is until I first work out where I stand in this situation and only then I can eventually address the issue with common sense, stripped from all emotions and feelings.

Both S. and I see a pattern here with A. A support chat that should have been the next step in the A’s process, has been postponed for several days now due to technical reasons. But not only; when asking A. if she wanted to do the chat earlier so it would not conflict with other activities she rigidly sticked to the late night time schedule and suggested to do it a day later. The longer it takes for the chat to be rescheduled, the more A. will get stuck in this pattern. To brake the pattern S. decided to continue with the assignments in A’s process independently from the fact she can have a support chat or not.
J. is in this pattern too but has a lesser urgent need to walk a specific process.

To me this episode is again an experience within real life and an occasion to observe, recognize and take care of this kind of situations with the tools provided by Desteni and the DIP course.