When I moved to the Netherlands I lived in the city of The Hague. Besides being the political capital of the country, or maybe just because it is the political capital a lot of wealth is concentrated in and around the city. This is mainly expressed in the type of cars you see on the streets and the houses in the residential area’s. Besides the popular city quarters mainly concentrated on one side of the city you see a clear trend. Near to the city center you have buildings that are centuries old and many of these houses are offices and embassies.
A selected group of people live in these houses and in the first three months of my stay in the Netherlands I was living in one of these huge houses. The amount of living space I shared with my brother in law and his wife was to my opinion quite out of proportion, almost to the point it made me feel uneasy living in that house. On a few occasions I had walks in the neighborhoods and every time I crossed residential area’s with series of villa’s scattered in the woods at the edge of town I wondered who was living in these houses and how it was possible that people could afford to live in such places.
This wondering is an old thing that pops up when I see wealth, or even better, I see people living in a ‘better’ situation than my own. And here is the tricky part. In the past I always told people I was not jealous of anyone. My reactions to other people’s wealth, however, tell the opposite. When I start wondering how it comes that people can afford something, an expensive car, a huge house, I am actually comparing my own situation to someone else’s. This comparison triggers a competition where I see myself as a looser and eventually I start feeding the idea I need to achieve the same level of wealth in order to win this competition.
The question is if it makes sense to compete in this way. My trigger point is jealousy, a feeling of being less than others and a need to compensate this feeling of inferiority. If I accept this competition I most probably will get more and more frustrated since I will have hard times if not experiencing the impossibility to achieve that idealistic goal. And, in the event I might succeed, will I be happy and satisfied? Most probably not. I will compare myself in my situation again to others and see other reasons to go on competing and fighting to achieve a goal that never can be achieved.
Why is this competition like a dead end lane? Because it is a polarity mechanism. You win or you loose. There is no stable situation. Once you win you go on trying to achieve new goals and over and over again you might win or loose. If I look at this mechanism in self honesty I see that it is a waste of time and energy, it is distracting me from the real things of life. It is only taking care of what I want or think I need to have in life without taking into consideration what is around me, people, animals, environment, everything.
Today I had again the same experience while biking along hundreds of huge villa’s with huge gardens and huge cars parked in front. I wondered again how it could be possible that there is people that can afford to live in these houses. I felt even a little satisfaction when a couple of these houses (not the largest ones of course) were for sale. With this fresh experience I decided that it is time to end this jealousy.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to become jealous when I see properties of other people I judge to be too big for them only because I am not in their same situation. I also forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to feel satisfaction/relief when I see people in a situation worse than mine.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to compare myself to other for the sole purpose to trigger the need for competition that is based on the feeling of unfairness: “Why do ‘they’ have something I don’t”.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to see big houses and villa’s as a representation of other people’s wealth instead of seeing it for what they are, big houses and villa’s.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to be tricked into this feeling of jealousy and unfairness again and again and that I have not taken my self-responsibility to stop this allowing it to distract me and preventing me of being there in the moment, breathing instead of being in the mind, preoccupied with being jealous.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to see myself as less then others just because I see ‘others’ as different than me, superior to me, instead of seeing that we are all equal and there is not such a thing as being more or less than others.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to get distracted by unreal preoccupations instead of focussing myself to take care of things in life that really matter, focussing on actions that are in the best interest of all and therefore also in the best interest of myself.
When and as I see myself participating within this pattern of becoming jealous of someone else’s property/wealth I stop and I breathe. Within this I realize that the energy of this experience is directing me and I am not the directive force here. Thus I stop this participation in this energy as living in my mind and escaping reality and myself and do not participate, but breathe myself here in and as the physical.