The end of a dream


One of the houses we dreamt of buying

Almost six years ago I managed to fulfill my biggest dream: a life in Italy, far from cluttered society, safely hiding somewhere in the middle of nowhere. We planned to buy an old property and rebuild it in an ecological and sustainable way. But that did not happen. We lost a lot of money with the sale of our house in the Netherlands that went wrong. Work was not as expected in the first place for both myself and my partner. Slowly but surely we found ourselves in more and more challenging situations.

Six years after our move to Italy I am starting to see the reality I created and also the fact it is not exactly as I had in mind to say the least. What I do see now is that since the beginning of all the steps I and my family had to take to make the move to Italy possible there were many signals I ignored that could have told me how deceptive the motivations were I had to do what I believed was the best I could do.

My point of view has changed dramatically and I can see now I’ve manouvered myself and my family into a nasty position by taking decisions based on desires, ignoring the reality. I remember I had moments in which realizations came up that showed me the possible outcome of the action I was going to take. I quickly stowed these things away as unnecessary fear creating thoughts. The result? Almost all thinkable worst case scenario’s became reality, but even that was not enough to let me understand I had to stop what I was doing and start taking real responsibility for my actions.

Now I have reached the point that I must take the step of directing myself in self responsibility. My financial situation is critical and there is little security for the fact if we will have money to buy food the next day. This is the situation I allowed myself in. This is the reality I moved to I’ve blindly accepted because I was not prepared to see what was really going on.

The big challenge is now to change the course of my life effectively. I’ve already started the process of change being more and more aware of the reality I am living in. It is fascinating to see how differently I look at certain scenario’s I rejected until not so long ago just because of my beliefs. From the idea I could only live happily in Italy, somewhere far from the big cities I now kind of long to a situation where I can actively participate in a working process and that I do not really care so much about where. I only evaluate eventual new living locations based on parameters that are best for all members in my family. From accepting the fact we have to leave the idyllic area we live in now but in poverty I am moving to accepting to live in an area where I have better job opportunities. With my partner I discussed this point extensively and we both saw how we were responsible for what we created. We were driven by different motivations that apparently fitted together since they were aiming at the same illusional goals, at least, that was what we thought from each other.

Now that more and more of the real motivations and deceptions is revealed we are able to, each for our own, and in the interest of all, redirect ourselves step by step and correct ourselves effectively. The tools of Desteni are definitely very effective and helpful and although I have to work through major resistances I am going on since it is the only thing I can do in order to become more effective and to contribute to a better life for myself and the world I live in.

What I also see is that it is not possible to have a quick fix on a process that has been going on for a decade or even more. It is something that has to be dismantled piece by piece in order to be done effectively and definitively. If this is not done thoroughly the risk of falling back is huge and more deception is just around the corner.

I’ve put myself in this shit and I will have to work to get me out of it. It sounds difficult and it is, but it is also fascinating. It is fascinating to learn to understand how you as a human system are functioning and it is even more fascinating to  be able to get rid of specific points that caused you to be limited and blinded.

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One thought on “The end of a dream”

  1. The same thing happened to us. When I was 17 my mother and I left our life in Toronto and moved to Los Angeles after visiting there 3 times previously.. We sold everything and started over, she got a new job,I went to a new school,etc. but it just didn’t work out. We didn’t realize how much crime there was living there(we both got robbed separately within 2 weeks of eachother) so we decided to leave and move elsewhere. We were disillusioned that our dream didn’t work out but reality often isn’t like dreams.

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