Tonight, while chatting with my partner S. about several points we had a look at the reasons that finally led to moving from The Netherlands to Italy. We both had our own motivations that, when looked at from where we stand now, were not built on common sense but on desires and fears.
If people ask me why I moved to Italy I still tell them that I feel more at ease among Italians than Dutch people. That is a strange statement for someone that also states that he considers everybody equal and that the interaction with the other is conditioned by the way I can interact with that person, without making a difference between sexes, nationalities, skin color, etc. For sure this is not true. I am more and more aware that I have prejudices when having to interact with people and that these prejudices are eventually influenced by someones nationality.
I am telling myself that I feel more at ease among Italians because I spent most of my youth in this country. Analyzing this point I see this is not the reality but, because I lived in this conviction I manifested a situation where I had more trouble socializing back in The Netherlands than I have here now in Italy. It is true that I know how Italian people are programmed and I am using this knowledge to my advantage. So the truth is that I can create a privileged situation here in Italy abusing a couple of flaws in the Italian genetics, one of them being the fact Italians believe that everything coming from abroad is better, they even have a word for it: Esterofilo (loving what comes from abroad). Funny enough I could not do the same with the fact I was a kind of Italianized Dutch person back in The Netherlands. In my first years it was even used against me and I had to deal with the fact I was called a ‘Mafioso’.
The other reason I already discussed. It was a process of seeking the ideal place to live an isolated life, far from society, but not too far, just in case. So I ended up being convinced that only in Italy I could start a new life, building my own house in the countryside, living from my own veggy garden, producing my own energy, filtering my own sewage waters, and so on. But, since my starting point was not completely honest, I had to live through a whole series of nasty situations like selling our house to someone not able to pay for it, bringing the whole matter to court, winning but getting no money since the buyer had no money to start with.
Now, 5 years after we moved to Italy, we are not living in our self built house in the hills of central Italy but in a rented house in a small village with no money to do anything different than working hard for a generally small amount of money. We, as a family, manage to live with little money and still remain acceptably healthy and we are making small steps towards an apparently more stable income situation that can nevertheless change from one moment to another into a situation with no money as we experienced a couple of times not so long ago. So, the situation we are in is far from the ideal and fake picture I had when moving. And, looking back to my real motivations, I see that I was not convinced to the bone that it was a good thing to do. Instead I convinced myself that it was the best thing to do in order to make a dream come through, a dream of a perfect life in harmony with nature and myself.
So, at the end I was trying to find a way to achieve something that is absolutely a sustainable way of living. I just missed a whole lot of steps in between needed to really be able to achieve my goal. Now that I am in my process of self realization I see I didn’t make a chance to succeed in creating this situation for myself without first cleaning up the mess in myself that has been left there by myself and all my ancestors. I also clearly see that there is no point in trying to create a perfect living situation just for myself if I am not taking into consideration all what is around me. That is why I support equality for all and an equal money system that will allow to create a world with equal chances for all living beings on earth.