The last week I’ve been paying attention to my ego and I’ve had a couple of occasions where I’ve been clearly beaten by the ego. The freshest episode was this morning when A was showing pictures on my iPhone that trick the eye and reveal how our brain interprets specific patterns. At a certain point A showed me an photo and since I did not see the hidden image inside it she told me to look at the right side of the phone’s screen. Since I still did not see anything she pointed it out and to my perception she was aiming at the left side of the screen.
The result of this was a discussion in which I tried to explain why she should have said the left side and not the right side. Even after she, supported by S. showed me why she called it the right side by laying herself on the ground as if she was the phone asking me to tell her which was her right side I chocked in the tea I was drinking as a reaction to the whole. When A and S told me that I was acting out of my ego when trying to convince them to change their point of view I felt accused.
It is amazingly subtle and tricky not to let your ego speak in this kind of situations. In my attempt to explain my point of view I was doing it with an attitude of me knowing it better than they did. No way to repair it and I spoiled the possibility to explain the whole thing from the right perspective. I see now how I should have been acting and what I should have done to understand A’s point of view and eventually explaining mine without a charge or an energy that is imposing to A the only way to see this.
While writing this there is a back chat going on that is still trying to seek revenge for this defeat (ego is strong and is constantly seeking for new ways to sneak in!) trying to find arguments that will make my (ego’s) point on the matter. Time to do some self forgiveness on the matter.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to let my ego direct the situation leading to an attempt to impose my point of view.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ignore the other’s point of view on a specific matter.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to allow my ego to take over and cause me to choke in my tea because of a loss of control over my physical body.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have an ongoing back chat still seeking for revenge and getting my will in convincing A my point of view is the only right one.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I use a situation that triggers a “you’re not seeing this from the right perspective” as an occasion to let my ego boost up the situation instead of seeing it in the real perspective of the moment and dealing with it as is.