Early spring cleaning

Actually the title should be: “Staying home for school again”. While yesterday there was apparently no choice for A to go to school or not since we the whole family took the car to go to school and shopping, today A told us that she felt sick and was going to stay home. Not again was my reaction. She has been missing quite some days now missing a lot of lessons at school. The huge point here is that I see A is not feeling well because she has issues she is not addressing. This unwillingness to face herself has led to unwanted situations already a couple of times. So, for sure there is fear in me that this situation is going to repeat itself. In my mind I already saw worried teachers, us visiting the doctor with some vague but persistent complaints and ending up at some hospital for endless and useless tests only to find out A is healthy.

As you can imagine now, the fact A decides not to go to school triggers a lot of shit, and also this morning it was not different. I thought that by taking care of the High School she had to choose we tackled the latest motive to feel bad. I was even more surprised since A had finally decided to take care of her room which for some years now has been a classic example of a junk yard and garbage dump (in my perception of course). I saw this as a huge brake through for A and although she had done some attempts in the past to tidy her room, this time I guessed she was prepared a little better.

A’s room has been a hot issue for quite some time and caused several fights between A and myself in the typical father/daughter construct fashion. I never managed to understand how she was able to live in a mess like that clearly denying herself a comfortable own space in the house. After some time I decided to let it go and stopped fighting about her room. It was her thing, not mine. It is now clear to me that in the mess of A’s room I see a mirror of my own mess I still have to clean up and in A’s behavior in postponing any action I see myself doing exactly the same.

This morning we (S. and myself) took the time to quietly discuss the matter with A and we managed to address a couple of issues. By mid morning we went out for a walk with the plan to continue with tidying A’s room immediately after. S is helping A in this huge task of reorganizing a room that has been left to total disorder for a couple of months. A’s is visibly enjoying the cleaning and is behaving in a different way, more relaxed. As if a burden has fallen from her shoulders.

Within the family as a group this step of A is also stimulating myself to face my own pile of untouched issues I will have to face one day anyway. I am convinced I can tell her to clean up her mess, I have to do the same with myself.  Step by step I will take care of this. In order to be able to be productive without all kind of fears and mind driven issues constantly popping up and sabotaging myself I need to clean up my stuff too. So, in the next weeks I will start to do the same with my things in the garage waiting already for some time to be sorted out and stowed away.

The nice thing now is that in order to support herself A had decided to start blogging! Read her part of the story HERE.


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