It took a while but this morning I wrote a mail back to W. in which he had offered to give us money in order to help us out in this for us financially tough times. The reason it took so long was that I wasn’t able to formulate the mail in a proper way making sure the message was getting across. The result was a mail wherein I not only answered to the condition that had to be met in order to get the money but also explaining what it meant if you are promising help but are not doing it unconditionally.
In my mail I tried to explain that by doing a proposal under a condition you are actually manipulating the person you are addressing, forcing him to do something in order to meet your requirement. In this case my need for money is taken for granted and the condition is supposed to be accepted because the money at the end is more important. I also explained my points of view regarding our troublesome relation and how we could work on restoring this relation.
The mail I got back tonight is just expressing depreciation and is not more than a reaction on the money part, all other items are issues that were not adressed at all. This makes clear that W. feels sure about the money part and is not giving any feedback on the other points I wrote about. As if he is not willing to see that you can not ignore everything that is connected and you can not see these points separated.
To me W’s message is clear now, as long as you are not giving any guarantee that you are not giving/spending any money on Desteni you won’t see any money from me. I am apparently free to do anything else with it. It is clear to me he feels he has the power over me through his money to decide what I should do in life or not based on his judgement. To me this is unacceptable and it is not even related to the kind of condition I have to meet but the fact there is one.
I have no doubts W’s father construct is convinced he is doing the right thing and preventing his son to do things he might regret later in life. But he is not willing to see that he is not the one who makes the decisions in my life but I am. And even if he does not agree he should respect whatever decision I make like I respect and have respected his’.
One of the points I addressed in the mail is the fact W does not seem to be really interested in my life since he is not asking any questions about it, only assuming of better, telling me (and others) how he pictures the situation is. My mail was a clear invitation to open this dialogue and share my experiences. The answer is ignoring this point completely and has confirmed to me again that there is no real interest or if it is there it is buried under tons of convictions, presumptions and false images.
Offering the money was a kind of response to an earlier mail we sent as a response to the facts I described in an earlier post. In W’s last mail he made sure to tell me there was no time limit to his offer. I could not help to think that he had cleared his conscience again for a while and when asked about his son he can answer that he is refusing help that he had been offered.
I can live with the idea it will take me a while to get out my actual financial situation I have created myself anyway and for which I am facing the consequences. I do not need conditional money to make my life apparently easier while being conditioned by the power/influence connected to money.