Today, while discussing matters during a walk with my partners S. we spoke among other things about how much easier it would be if you could remove the clutter that comes with feelings and emotions. We were discussing the issues we are having in communicating with members of my family. It is a delicate matter if your starting point is to maintain certain dynamics that play a role in your relationships with close family members. If you start looking closer at these dynamics you start seeing the motivators that very often can be brought back to just a couple of things: fear and ego.
In order to bring it all back to myself and how I stand in the communication with my direct family I had and still have a lot of emotions and feelings that are generated by fear and ego. Fear of losing a relationship with my family, fear of not being understood, fear of being rejected, fear of making the others become angry. And when it comes to exchanging points of view I see my ego that feeds my feelings of indignation when the others are criticizing my decisions and the way I chose to live, making me angry and causing to defend myself from the accusations.
It would be great if we could manage to exchange experiences without all this clutter of feelings and emotions, fears and unspoken convictions. Instead of telling the other how we think he or she should live we should share our experiences of life so they add up to our own experiences enabling us to learn and benefit from it. As long as we think we are capable of ‘advising’ another we actually are abusing the other by placing ourself on a higher footstep. If we live in common sense there is no way we could ever advise another human being. You can only work starting from yourself, learning from your own experiences and from others that share their experiences openly.
I can tell that it is not easy to face these communication issues by not blaming anybody but yourself. Somehow it is a reality I manifested myself and it is something I will have to deal with. If I start from what is said or written to me I’ll need to analyse that what is said point by point and find out what emotion or feeling it triggers within me so I can address this in order to recognize the reaction and eventually to get rid of it. I’ve been postponing an answer to two mails I received today justifying it with the fact I have been very busy and wanted to address it properly.
I feel that I can not address this matter on my own and I see this as a nice occasion to start making use of the community I am part of, a community that already gave me an overwhelmingly nice welcome. I still have to learn how to use the full potential of all the connections I have feeling limited by amounts and numbers causing me to wonder how it is possible to read all the blogs of others, watch all the vlogs, read all the material. But there is “hope” :-). Only very recently I could not believe I would be able to write a blog every day, it is just a start but I did not miss a day. What helped me is to get rid of the fear that told me I would never be able to come up with an argument every day. Since then I have to make choices among all the topics I would like to write about.