In todays blog I am describing the reactions I had reading the mail M. sent to me. I extracted the sentences I had a reaction on describing my reaction and the source of this reaction. In a later stage I will use these points to do self forgiveness. Since I had a hard time in properly defining the underlaying emotions I asked S. to assist me. I was tempted to translate all the statements he did about Desteni and the EMS so I could expose how he was making a fool of himself. I decided not to do it since my motivation would be one of revenge.
“This mail is only meant for you”
Dishonesty, unequal, more than.
“I assume you are going to follow my advise…”
More than, less-more polarity.
“Think about it”
How can you state this without knowing my point of view.
“I didn’t know that my always confident brother is suffering so much from an inferiority complex. This ultimately leads to not being able to communicate with your parents”
“You translate their attention and care into the obligation to justify yourself. You shouldn’t see the attention from your family as criticism. Are you not convinced of what you are doing? Do you have a clear picture of where you are headed in life?”
“In your blog you are talking about issues that are taken out of their context and that the message came through in a distorted way. What are you talking about?”
This refers to this this passage in my blog: “The content of the mail is showing clearly how distorted the message is coming across and how any kind of message evolves into something that is not having any connection with reality.”
Frustration about not being able to get a message across.
“Are you ashamed of something?” “You are very, very preoccupied with money”
Stop writing this nonsense, you have no idea what you are talking about. The emotions I have here are generated by establishing that what is said about me is not fitting the picture I have about myself have in relation to my twin brother referring to how we communicate with each other. This causes separation.
“Dad is not and has never been concerned with money”
This is not true! This is not how I am seeing it. Everybody is concerned with money within our society and the more money you have the more you are concerned about not loosing it. Here I frustrated by the fact my message is again misunderstood and by the fact M. does not get the point of what I am trying to say.
“Your perception of how dad deals with money is evidently not true”
Feeling attacked by the fact he is stating that what I am writing in honesty is not true and the fact he is imposing his perception as the only truth. So arrogant! Here speaks my EGO…
“If I can give you a tip, try to think of something that allows you to get rid of your bank loan as quickly as possible… You’d better get a loan from your family since they are not among at profit”
No way I am going there again! I am reacting to memories and are not willing to repeat those experiences.
“I do not have wisdom, I have only 44 years of life experience…”
How many years should I have as his identical twin brother? Again a reaction of my ego.
“I know you as nobody else… … I know your strengths and weaknesses”
Who you think you are you can state this. Feeling less and allowing the other to be more resulting in anger.
A couple of lines later:
“Don’t forget the fact nobody knows you, even not your own family, including your wife and children”
DIdn’t he just say he knew me as nobody else? Here I am blaming my brother of being contradictory. Polarity! Clear point of failure making me feeling better than him. Here I am allowing myself to participate into a polarization.
“Stop worrying about things that are not real and concentrate your energy in your own development”
Ego: “What the fuck you think I am doing right now?”
Needless to say these are my reactions to the contents of the mail and that I am the only one responsible for these reactions since they reflect how I am standing in life now.