Today I received a mail from my father W., the first one since a while. An outsider would say about the relation I have right now with my parents that we are not on speaking terms. Since I told my mother J. over the phone that none of us in our family were looking forward to a visit of her and W. we did not talk again. Not with Christmas and not on new years day. W.’s mail was a surprise, and to be honest I never feel enthusiasm when I open his mails. It was not as strong as a while ago but still I feel emotions when I see his name in my inbox. We have had several discussions over the mail in the last couple of years and never managed to properly get the messages across. Too many emotions, prejudices, preoccupations, fears and wrong expectations for a communication without noise.
The content of the mail is showing clearly how distorted the message is coming across and how any kind of message evolves into something that is not having any connection with reality. The mail has several reproaches that I was surprised of and could not see where they originated from. Until I received a mail from H. (my father in law) that we read just a moment before we were going to call him. In the mail he informed us that my brother M. sent him information about my new blog (the one you are reading now) and that he was preoccupied about the stories I was publishing. H., not sure about his english asked my brother-in-law PW.to read through the text to see if something was wrong with it. His reply was he could not find anything that could harm or offend someone and that he has been reading a story that clearly originated from someones personal blog. Later on the phone H. told us what he wrote back to M. and how he explained that he was reading nothing that was new to him, that he shared his preoccupation and that for that reason he was helping and supporting as a family whenever it was absolutely necessary with some money as also PW. had been doing a couple of times.
Later tonight I decided to write an answer in order to explain W. and M. what the consequences are of M’s action and of the content of his mail for our already troubled relationship. Not an easy task since you have to get the message across taking into account that the image the receivers have of you is a very distorted one. In the mail I try to explain that the action of M. has consequences for the way I communicate with my parents, the first consequence being the fact W. is sending me a mail with statements based on information that is not complete or not put in a right context. And if on top of this distorted information you add frustration, fear, preoccupation and other emotions you get messages that are completely disconnected from reality.
I do not feel anymore the urge to react by defending myself. I have no appearances to keep up nor lies to carefully manage. I do not feel I should give any justification for the things I do in life other than to myself since I am the one who has to take responsibility for my own actions, not W. and not M.
In some way W. is on the right track since he states that we have to have a good thought about being honest in general and that I should ask myself if I am honest to myself, my “partner” (who represents the source of all evil), my children and all my other contacts. “Make a better world and start with yourself” he states quoting and old wisdom. Well, isn’t it funny he is right on this point but fails to see that it is just what is going on.
I’ve no expectations what so ever on how my relation with J. and W. will be in the future. I will respond to any request of approach that is done in common sense about anything I do and I think in life, taking my responsibilities where I need to. If J. and W. are willing to see me as their equal and are truly interested in how I stand in my life I will be glad to share my experiences with them. I have been working hard in the last six months to get rid of feelings and emotions related to J. and W. that only were troubling my view and preventing me from seeing how things really are. I can’t do more than just being myself here and now respecting myself as others as equal.