A couple of days ago I received my second salary. It is nice to see that now for the second time an amount of money is added to my bank account. The bank account was very empty and the new salary was very welcome. Having lived for a quite long period with almost no money still left some holes to fill. That applied to this month’s salary too. I had to transfer some money to another bank account screaming for money due to a loan I had to take to pay taxes a couple of years ago. Paying my rent in The Netherlands, the rent in Italy, and a couple of other things caused my salary to evaporate leaving just enough money for groceries. No room for fancy stuff.
It did not feel nice to see the money go away so quickly. On the other hand I am catching up with payments and getting in a more and more stable financial situation. Next month will be the first month where I will have some money to put aside. I won’t be that much but it starts to be a buffer we will need in order to pay the move from Italy to the Netherlands later this summer.
The strange experience I had was that after a (false) feeling of a more relaxed life thanks to the fact I have a stable income now that allowed me literally to breathe in a more relaxed way, I now experienced that I was holding my breath when dealing with money. As if breathing is connected to spending money!
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to have money or the lack of money influence my breathing.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to stop breathing when I have to deal with my finances.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to see a connection between my breathing and spending money.
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to live literally the connection between the value of money and life (=breath).
I forgive myself that I accept and allow myself to connect money or the possible lack of it to fear causing me to held my breath and not allowing myself to fully live by being here and now, breath by breath.
When and as I see myself holding my breath in connection to the fact of making myself less than life I stop and I breathe. Within this I realize that the possible lack of money is directing me and I am not the directive force here. Participating within this pattern will only bring me consequences, so I stop, I breathe and slow myself down to work with what is here within self-direction.