While talking to my brother last night we discussed among many other points the fact he has been worried about me and my situation for a long time. These worries managed to grow out of any real proportion and contributed in the whole situation we have been going through in the last couple of days.
One of the things my brother told me was that he had been worried on many occasions for situations I have been in, one of those being episodes of bullying at school during a relatively short period. Actually he told me that he has been experiencing being worried for me on many occasions during our life’s. Wow! That must be really fascinating to explore the underlaying mind constructs leading to such a lengthy and suppressed emotion. The fact I had never known of these worries is clearly showing it is not a real thing but something that lived in M’s mind. Only more recently he started to literally say he was worried but wrapped in a message wherein he was angrily requiring me to tell him how I was doing. I always saw this as attacks to my privacy and never suspected what was the underlaying trigger. The only thing it triggered in me was a reaction in anger and not understanding his attitude leading to ignoring his arrogant (as I felt it) attitude.
Maybe we should support each other in this in order to go back and review events that have been suppressed by both of us; we both found out we do not have that many memories of our past apart from a couple of specific episodes. We concluded we both have been stuffing away quite some memories and it certainly is worth to investigate this in order to find trigger points to understand and eliminate by doing self forgiveness on them.
One of the questions I asked M. was to examine what being worried was doing with himself and what have been the actions coming from it and the consequences of these actions for him and the subject/person to worry about. Due to the complexity of the question there is no answer yet other then the fact he acknowledged it and clearly sees points to work on. The same applies to me. This conversation with my brother made it clear that also for me that I too have to tackle these undiscovered points/events/experiences that happened in the past and are manifesting themselves now in the present.